The Day God Gave Me A Different Life

Sometimes in life, we evolve slowly and who we become seems like a slow and long process. Other times, who we become happens so quickly that it's burned in our mind and we never forget the moment, or few moments when God makes it very clear to us that our life would be different than what we expected.

Whether its through a sudden illness, addiction, depression, death, financial loss, or all of the above, we can be clear on one thing: The life we knew was over, forever changed by a simple moment, or in my case, a simple change in chemistry in the brain. Today, I wanted to write about the day that God gave me a different life.

On January of 2010, I was shopping for a computer. I had started an internet marketing company and I needed a laptop I could take to meet clients. So I was on the hunt. Then my financial advisor persuaded me to try a mac. I had been leaning in that direction so immediately after our meeting, I called my husband. 

“Meet me at the Apple store, you're going to be jealous.”

I went to the Apple store, fell in love, and with my husband there I said, 

“This is the happiest day of my life!” Isaac looked at me slightly puzzled.

“Oh yes, and our wedding. That was great too.”

Relief, joy and a new adventure awaited me. I had my new mac. Life was good. But as we were checking out I started feeling very shaky. Nothing new. 

I just needed food- which has always been my solution for most problems in my life- and 90% of the time, it worked.

So Isaac and I picked up the kids and headed to Wendy's. I felt totally tired and weak, but if I could just get a frosty- everything would be fine.

As we were going through the drive though, my legs began to feel completely unattached to my body. Then my torso, then my arms, and last my head and neck.

“Wake up!” I thought, “Your frosty is going to melt.” But even with that panic, I couldn’t wake up. Then all of the sudden, I didn’t want to wake up. Not even for a frosty, and that’s when I knew, I was in trouble.

“Honey. Honey. Here is your food.” My husband urged me to wake up. “Oh poor thing, she must be so tired.”

I was totally conscious but unable to move. Panic started setting in and I couldn’t tell anyone. My chest began to tighten and it was nearly impossible to swallow. As our van pulled into the garage, all the kids started pilling out of the car. They would bump me on accident, and I couldn’t move.

“Honey. Come on. Let’s get out. Can I help you?” my husband urged me.

I didn’t answer.

“Honey! Oh my gosh! Kids get back in the car, we are going to the hospital!' My husband is yelling. He never yells. 

 All 4 kids started screaming. Suddenly my ability to talk came back.

“I need sugar.” Was all I could say.

“Sugar you got it!’ Isaac said. “Kids, get out of the car and go inside. Go get candy!!”

We realized very quickly that we should have had a family home evening around “What to do if Mom gets stuck in the car ”, because it was sheer chaos.

Then Isaac darted out of the car to call my mother who is a diabetic. By now he was in a complete panic.

My mom, who lived 400 miles away starts panicking too. “ I think her sugars must have dropped. That’s what it sounds like. Give her juice as fast as you can!”

My husband runs into the house and comes back with juice. I am partially able to move enough to talk. He lifts my head and starts pouring juice down my throat.

“ Common honey come on!! Just get to some juice and then we will take you to the hospital.”

After one cup, he goes back in the house for more juice. I am starting to wake up more, but I can’t move my arms and legs. In the mean time, my sweet 10 year old runs out to the car with a dum dum sucker, unwraps it and sticks it in my mouth.

“Here mom!"

Then my 7 year old, trying to help, runs out with tootsie roll, unwraps it and sticks in my mouth. 

By now, I am trying not to choke as my 6 year old runs out and sticks a hard candy in my mouth.

So like an obsessed, compulsive eater at a carnival, I sat with candy in my mouth, praying I don’t choke to death, but unable to have the strength to spit it out.

Then my hubby comes back, pulls the candy out, orders the kids back in the car and starts pouring more apple juice down my throat.

Suddenly, movement starts coming back. I look at my husband and I started crying.

“That was so scary!” I said. He started crying too.

“Let’s go to the hospital,” he said.  

Well, our insurance had a high deductible, so I told him that I was fine. He was not convinced. I just wanted to sleep. He talked me into going to the local drug store so he could pick up a test thing for my sugars.

In the mean time, we bought a large soda to keep my sugars up. I thought I was going to puke but knew that I had to do it. So I did. And every time I felt like sleeping, I would shove sugar down my throat.

My sugars came back low. We thought we had it down. I explained to my kids that mommy is not going to die, and that even though it looks scary, I feel totally fine, and I can hear them, but I just cant move.

“Ohhh, so like your not really hurting, it just looks like it?” my 7 year old asked.

“Exactly!” I said with the most comfort I can. “ I understand you're scared, but mommy is not hurting. I just need sugar.”

“Sweet. We’ll, Im just glad your safe.”

“Totally.” I told them. But in my head I was thinking, “and that was just plain freaky.”

 But I still made an appointment with the Dr. for the following Monday, just to keep everyone from worrying too much. I tried not to stress because I had a back up- Google.  See, here's the deal,  I looked it up on Google, and I was pretty sure I had hypoglycemia. The Google Doctor is in----and it was dead wrong!

The following Monday, the Doctor  came into the room and asked me what happened. By then I was totally better so I nonchalantly explained that I had this attack and now I feel fine. I thought he would treat me like a hypochondriac but instead he just listened. Then I told him I was pretty sure I was hypoglycemic cause I looked it up on Google and I seem to have the symptoms, but that my sugar keeps coming back normal, which is really frustrating. Then I went on about how maybe I’m a diabetic because it runs in my family, but hey, I’m self employed and I really don’t have time to be a diabetic.

“ Do you run your own business?” he asked

“Yes. And sometimes it’s really hard, but I love it!” I said

Looking back, my Doctor deserves to win  “the nicest Dr. in the world award” for listening to me go on and on about what Google thinks I have. And he never rolled his eyes.

“Well, stress can bring on sickness, but I don’t think it caused this. I can do a test to see if your sugars are little off.”

Oh dang.

So he did, and in 5 minutes he had the results.

“Your sugars are normal. That’s good. Your not diabetic or hypoglycemic.” He said.

 And I’m sure he wanted to say , “Let that be a lesson to all. Google is not a substitute for doctor appointments.” But he didn’t. I admired him for his self-control.

“Great!! Cause I really don’t have time to be diabetic… Oh well."

“Well, I’ll run some tests and see if you are lacking in some vitamins. In the mean time, I’m thinking you may need to see a neurologist.”

“Ummm… I really am fine.,” I said.

But I really wanted to say, “ Oh no, Dr. Chipman, I think you might be over reacting. Thanks for caring- you're wrong.” 

I think he read my mind because he backtracked.  That‘s always a little awkward.

“Okay, we’ll run these tests first and then if nothing comes back really off, I think you need to see a neurologist. Do you need one of my staff members to drive you home?”

I was touched by his kindness but wanted to say, “Dude, I’m little quirky, not dead.”

Little did I know, my Doctor knew exactly what he was talking about.  So I drove myself home. He even encouraged me to stop and eat on the way home, just incase it helped.

“Great idea,” I said.

And I drove straight home, never stopping to eat.

This may sound weird, but I have learned something from this…. I‘m an idiot.

So I called back after 2 days only to find that all the test came back normal except for my thyroid being a little off.

Great, adjust my thyroid and lets keep going!

I never went back in, and just kept trying to get my business up and running. I would get super tired, but tell myself kind things like, “Don’t be a lazy butt. You can do this. Everyone gets tired. Build a bridge and get over it.”

Ya know, all the stuff that really keeps you going.

Then a few weeks later, my denial came crashing down in the funniest way. It seems like God is always trying to send me answers to my problems but He can't get through, unless there is serious drama attached. And so He worked his miracle.

I was in church. I held a leadership position over the kids in my congregation, and so I attended a meeting that morning on how to be a better leader. I woke up feeling great. Put on my pencil skirt that goes to my knees, my red leather boots, and my pin striped blouse.  I sat in the meeting, thinking of everything I needed to do. After the meeting was over, I went to the chapel where the congregation gathers. I found my husband sitting a few rows back with all four of our kids. He looked like he was about ready to pray to be invisible as my two year old climbed all over him.

I sat next to him. “Thank you for getting the kids ready and bringing them.” I said. “and you look like a hottie.”

“Thanks.." he said in the nicest voice he could with clinched teeth as my two year old jumped from the pew onto his lap.

“He is driving me crazy,” my husband started telling me. All the sudden the same feeling of numbness came over me.

Tears poured down my cheeks.

“It’s happening again. Isaac something is wrong. Get me out of here.”

“Okay no problem, c'mon honey.” Suddenly the kids could have been shaving each others heads and picking their noses. Nothing mattered.

He tried to help me up. I couldn’t move. I collapsed. But here’s the best part.

My husband propped me up on the seat and moved my head on his shoulder.

“It’s okay sweetie. I know you’ll come out of it.” He tried so hard to comfort me.

Then the church music began.

“Oh crap.” Was all I could think. And the tears kept coming down uncontrollably.

Ten minutes passed, and my husband even took the sacrament with my head propped up against his shoulder. I couldn't move my head, but I was able to open my eyes for a few seconds here and there. The little boy passing the sacrament looked at him like, “Dude, what did you do to your wife?”

I gained enough movement to whisper, “Isaac, I'm in trouble, get me out of here.”

“I'm going to pick you up and carry you.”

Now I was flattered by his “knight and shining armor” idea, but the reality is this:

 I’m 5’8 and 145 .lbs of complete dead weight. I had visions of him picking me up and dropping me in the middle of the floor, pencil skirt flown above my head. That might be a little awkward.

"Oh heaven help me.” I thought., but “Noooo” was all I could whisper. 

Then I went completely paralyzed, unable to talk. 

"Okay, I'll have some guys helps me." 

I can't explain why I would have rather died in the pew than have these 4 men help carry me out. It must be a girl thing, or a Jodi thing. But I couldn't move and I couldn't argue. 

 And so they did. Four men carried me out. One in the back and one with each leg up. I felt like I was perfectly positioned to have an obgyn appointment in the middle of church.

 Thank the heavens, I couldn’t see anyone’s faces. It’s moments like that, when all my superficial barriers came tumbling down. Time to get real.

So I am hauled off to another room where a Doctor and 3 nurses from the congregation came rushing out to help. They called 911. My bra was pulled up to my chin, with my shirt still covering it.

“If I could move, I would pull my bra down for sure.” I thought.

First, a sternum rub.. “ Jodi! Jodi!” a nurse and dear friend of mine said. “ Come on! Can you hear me? Jodi….”

I wanted to say, “Yes, I can hear you and please stop doing that.” But I couldn’t answer. My husband jumped in.

"She can feel everything but she can't answer! This has happened before but never like this. Then she’ll wake up and be totally fine. We thought it was her sugar….” My husband is in shock and spinning. 

“She is stiffing so tight.” The nurse said. Her vitals are fine but her heart rate is a little weak. I’m nervous. We need help here quickly.”

I could hear everything but I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t move and now there were 5 or 6 of my friends gathered around me, while my bra sat comfortably 3 inches above my chest  covered by white blouse.

“Yep, this sucks.” was all I could think.

The ambulance arrived, and did the whole sternum rub, and by now, I started praying,

“Heavenly Father please give me movement for one moment so I can slap this man who thinks I can’t feel anything.”  Nothing happened.

Suddenly,  I opened my eyes, everyone stopped.

“Oh great she coming out of it.! Jodi! Jodi are you okay?” My friend asked.

 “Holy sh*t..” was all I could whisper. 

 I couldn’t believe I cussed! I don’t cuss! I was mortified. 

 Everyone started laughing.

“OOPS, sorry,” was all I could say and out I went.

“Way to leave a legacy!” I thought to myself.  I hope this isn’t an indication of what I utter on my death bed. I hope I’m more profound than that. Oh well.

When I arrived at the Emergency room I had woken up quit a few times. I felt weak but okay. The Doctor came in and asked me to move my legs.

“Give me a second and I will, “ I reassured him. “Everything feels really heavy, like I have weights on me, but it will go away.”

After 3 minutes, it was as if I had been risen from the dead. I lifted my arms and hand with ease.

“See. I told you!  Weird huh? Can I go home?” I asked, in a “I'm going home anyways” sort of a tone.

The Doctor laughed. “I am totally perplexed as to what this can be. I think you need to see a neurologist.”

Suddenly, I began to doubt myself. What if I’m crazy or I'm loosing it, and my body is shutting down to keep myself from breaking down?

Shyly I asked the him,  “Is there any chance this could be like “in my head”? “

“Umm.. no.” he said in a matter of fact way. “ I’ve seen lots of patience who are having psychological break downs and your reaction is not consistent with theirs.”

I went home and that’s when the cataplexy had finally set it.  On that day, my life changed dramatically.

With every emotion, I would go paralyzed. I became awesomely aware of how vast our emotions are. I became aware of how quickly our lives can change and how fast we can be moving in one direction and then hit a wall. Within a few weeks, I was diagnosed. It would be months before I had my medication. And it has taken years for my family and I to adjust to this new life with cataplexy and narcolepsy as our companion. In a matter of days I went from:

Complete independence to a walker/wheelchair

Being an active mom, to a mom who felt like a house decoration that talks. 

Being a leader at my church to sleeping in the hallway at church.

Going from a 6 figure income to near bankruptcy

Dreaming of being a millionaire to dreaming of being able to work again.

But the message was clear. God was giving me a new life. It was not the one I wanted, or dreamed of. It would take a long time for me to accept it, and to learn how to find joy in it. But I had faith that the  Savior atoned for me. That He could carry this burden. That He could heal my children, and comfort their loss. And over the years, I have come to understand that when God hands us a new life, it can be much better than what we ever dreamed. And even if it's not what we wanted, it can be flawless and exactly what we need.